just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
