the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
