The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
