One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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