dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
