I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
