That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
