i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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