WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
