Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
MIDGETS
????
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
