Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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