I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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