Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
