He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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