What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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