FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
