Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I cut my penus on the lid.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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