So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
