Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize