Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My room smells like vodka and shame
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
