take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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