I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Holy sore nipples Batman
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
