I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
