cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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