i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
