M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
