just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
