well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
