It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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