did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
