home. puking in laundry basket.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
