Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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