who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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