I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize