My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My bed smells like the plague
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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