i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
