I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
