Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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