he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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