do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
