The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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