It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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