Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
