OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
