Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
