1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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