I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well most of my day revolves around power hour
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
