Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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