you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
