If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
