Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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