just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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