dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
