dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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