she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
