nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
