I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize