I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
