Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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