my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
