I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize