where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
