I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
