I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Congratulations! We have a period
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
