It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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