Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Less talking, more tequila
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
