I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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