Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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