He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
