No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
