I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
