i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have aggressive nipples.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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