Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
