feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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