I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
