life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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