I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
