wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
