My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
