Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
