bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
