really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize