Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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