is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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