Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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