If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I look better un-naked...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
