Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize