NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
