Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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