Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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