Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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