At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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