My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is Oprah even human
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
