I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
