I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
