You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
